Insecurity is something that I’ve unknowingly walked in my entire life. I never knew anything different. I’ve always naturally compared myself to other women, especially physically. The thoughts of “why can’t I be that pretty?” are outnumbered. Or the thoughts of “why can’t my teeth be as nice as hers?” or “why can’t I be as tall as her?” or “why can’t my hair be as beautiful as hers?” and let me tell you… it’s exhausting. Truly.
I’ve been aware for a long time of my insecurities, I just chose to ignore them in hopes that they would eventually fade away. I remember begging God months ago “please don’t let me find a significant other until I feel pretty” because I knew that having one would multiply my insecurities, bring new ones about, and bring up old ones that I shoved down and never dealt with. If I didn’t have a boyfriend, I wouldn’t have to worry if he would find me pretty that day or not. I never had to worry about spending hours on my hair, makeup, and outfit just to hear a “you look good today.” But the Lord had other plans. He said “he’s going to help make you feel beautiful.”
Since being in a relationship, I’ve realized how heavily I lie on other peoples compliments of my physical appearance, especially Ryan’s. Just for you to get a glimpse of the intensity, if I didn’t hear a “you look pretty today” I’ll wonder where I went wrong getting ready that day. I’ll literally wonder if he’s still attracted to me (toxic, right? I know). If I saw him like another girls selfie, I would think to myself “he thinks she’s prettier than me” (which is so far from the truth). It sounds ridiculous (and it is ridiculous) but that’s how out of hand my insecurities were.
Yesterday was the day that the Lord said “it’s time. It’s time you lay this at My feet. It’s time to stop walking in this insecurity. I have something better for you.”
After He brought this up, my heart was heavy all day. I felt hideous. I spent 3 hours on my hair and makeup and I tried on 5 different outfits and still hated how I looked. I literally didn’t go to class because of how ugly I felt. I looked at myself in the mirror after spending all that time getting ready and just wept because I still didn’t feel pretty. I sat there drenched in tears begging God to make me feel beautiful. But the difference between yesterday and today is yesterday I prayed “Jesus, help me feel pretty” and today I prayed “Jesus, help me surrender to You the insecurities I haven’t yet.”
While processing through this with the Lord, He spoke an overwhelming amount of truths over me that He is also speaking over you, whether this is a battle of yours or not. Here are a few:
- Insecurity doesn’t have authority.
- Insecurity has no room for residency in your life.
- Insecurity doesn’t get the final word, that belongs to Me.
- Your body is a temple–the dwelling place–of the Holy Spirit. There is no room in My temple for anything outside of Me.
- “You are precious in My eyes and I love you.” – Isaiah 43:4a
- “She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.” – Proverbs 3:15
- “You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way.” – Song of Solomon 4:7
He also said “your heart for Me far outweighs your physical beauty. You have a heart that longs for Me and that is the most beautiful aspect of you. So it’s time. It’s time to see yourself from My eyes, not from your own. Not from social medias. Not from your friends. Not from Ryan’s. Mine.”
Insecurities are from the enemy and it is outside of his nature to speak truth. This means that insecurities are absolutely incapable of speaking truth of any sort. Whether it’s a physical insecurity, inward insecurity, or insecurity of something else, it deserves to be silenced. It doesn’t deserve to have a say in who you are. It doesn’t deserve to sit on the throne of your heart. That spot is reserved for the King; nothing and no one else. If you’re allowing someone or something else take occupancy on the throne of your heart, it’s time to allow the Lord to take its place. Your insecurity doesn’t deserve to reign. Don’t let it.
I beg you, please don’t let insecurity take ownership of you. Whatever it looks like for you, cut off ties with it. Break agreement with it. Be in partnership with what God says about you. He is madly in love with you and He created you with an amount of intention and detail that you will never be able to comprehend.
Rather than seeking to feel beautiful, let’s seek first the Kingdom. We are citizens of heaven, not this earth. Therefore, let heaven determine your beauty. When we act like the citizens of heaven that we are, standards that this earth has to offer begin to fade. Despite what the world says, beauty is not exterior.
“But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” / 1 Samuel 16:7
Insecurity robs you of the joy that rightly belongs to you. It’s time to take it back.