Everybody seems to love to talk about preparing our hearts for future relationships and marriage, but it seems as if nobody wants to talk about how to prepare our hearts for singleness, so I decided to (trust me, I’m a pro. Single for essentially my entire life and counting).
Not to put it bluntly (but to also kinda put it bluntly), singleness can suck. Real bad. It can get lonely. It can make us feel unwanted. Unloved. Having someone simply makes us feel good. It’s a temporary solution to our loneliness. It makes us feel wanted. If you’ve ever been in anything close to a relationship before, you know the exact feeling I’m talking about. It’s a feeling that we all desire to have. We all want to be wanted. (Important PSA and a truth that I continuously need to speak over myself: just because you’re single doesn’t mean you’re not wanted. You’re wanted by the King of Kings. There’s nothing greater than that).
In this generation, we’ve made a habit of wasting our singleness by wishing it doesn’t exist. We’ve spent too much time praying for a future spouse and not enough time praying for the Lord to fully satisfy us in who He is. We’ve spent too much time wasting our breath saying “I’m ready for someone to love” and not enough time saying “Lord, help me to love You more.” There seems to be this pressure on singles that we need to have somebody as if we don’t already (His name is Jesus).
When we begin to treat our singleness as a gift rather than a curse, we’ll begin to see it as a gift. We’ll begin to learn things about ourselves that we didn’t even know we needed to learn. We’ll begin to allow the Lord to satisfy us in ways that we didn’t even know we needed to be satisfied in. We’ll begin to love the Lord in radical ways that we didn’t even realize we could love Him in. We’ll begin to accept love from Him and from others that we didn’t even know we needed to accept love in.
Who you are in your single life is what you’ll bring into marriage. If you battle with depression, you’ll battle with it in your marriage. If you battle with porn, you’ll battle with it in your marriage. I promise you, your future spouse cannot heal these areas of your life. They may be able to provide a temporary fix, but full healing will not take place simply from marriage. By believing that marriage is the answer to your porn addiction or your depression, you’re putting your (future) spouse in the place of God. They may be able to walk with you in your journey of healing, but they can never be your healer.
Just a PSA: if you’re lonely in your singleness, you’ll be lonely in your marriage. Don’t allow the enemy tell you that your loneliness is a result of your singleness. Say it with me again: don’t allow the enemy tell you that your loneliness is a result of your singleness. This is probably the most cliche thing I’ll ever say, but until you find full satisfaction in Christ and all of who He is, you will never find full satisfaction in another human. The best way to prepare your heart for singleness is to fully embrace all that He has to offer you in this season. You’ll never get it back. You’ll never be able to pursue God at this magnitude of your life again. Until He is enough for you, no other person will ever be.
In this season of singleness, God wants you to learn the depth of intimacy with Him. This is the season I’ve found myself in; the Lord has been radically filling me with all of who He is because I’m at a point in my life where I fully desire nothing and no one but Him. I find myself so often on my face begging for more of Him. It’s beautiful. It’s life-changing. It’s a season I’ll never forget. Just Him and I. Me and Him. Nothing else. No one else.
I’ve said this in previous blog posts and I’ll say it again: we’re ready for marriage when we cannot possibly be holier without a spouse. Holiness isn’t something that should be rushed. Continuously ask the Lord to reveal areas of your life that He wants you to be holier in!
I’m going to give you 3 crucial but practical ways to prepare your heart for singleness. Do with them what you wish. Take them or leave them (but I strongly encourage you to take them).
1. Be prepared for the lonely nights.
Even if you find yourself fully content in your singleness, lonely nights will come. I promise. If I ever find myself in a state of loneliness, instead of dwelling alone in my room, I’ll go out in public (usually to a coffee shop or Target haha) or spend time with a friend because it’s much easier to be lonely when you’re physically alone.
2. Be in constant awareness of your thoughts.
This one is so (so so so) important. Make sure you’re always discerning if your thoughts are from the Lord or if they’re from the enemy. If they’re from the Lord, embrace them. If they’re from the enemy, rebuke them. If you’re left feeling unwanted, undesired, or unloved, rebuke that. That is so far from the truth! But if you’re left feeling satisfied and full, embrace that and ask the Lord for more!
3. Make sure you’re seeking satisfaction and attention from nothing and no one but Christ alone.
I talked about this a tad earlier but if you find yourself constantly doing things to get the attention of the opposite sex, sorry to break it to ya, you’re seeking satisfaction from man and not from God. This one is an easy one for me. It’s so easy for me to desire attention and satisfaction from a man rather than from God and I’ll constantly find myself doing things to get his attention rather than His (thank the Lord that He usually convicts me before I actually do them). Satisfaction from flesh is so temporary. Please understand this. No amount of temporary satisfaction comes close to being comparable to the eternal satisfaction the Lord has in store for you.
In conclusion, singleness is hard. Singleness sucks at times. But singleness is also one of the most beautiful seasons you’ll get the privilege of having. I, for one, can’t wait to continue on my journey in singleness because I can’t wait to continue love the Lord with all I am before loving someone else. He gets me. All of me. All of my attention. All of my affection. All of who I am. And at this point of my life, I wouldn’t want it any other way. But, I also can’t wait to have someone someday to walk alongside me and chase after God in full with me. Just because I embrace my singleness doesn’t mean I’m closed off to marriage (trust me, I’ve tried to be).
If you’re single, have so much hope! Even if you’re one of the few He has called to a lifetime of singleness, take so much joy. You get to find satisfaction in only Him forever! That’s so beautiful. But if you’re the one who’s single for just a season whether long or short and marriage is in your future, remember to have eyes on the now, not just on what’s ahead. Focus on where God has you now and what He’s speaking to you now. Don’t miss out on what the Lord has for you right now because you’re too focused on what He has for you in the future.
Proverbs 19:20-21 says “Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise. Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.”
Take this and run with it. His purpose prevails. Always.