As a woman, we are constantly consumed by our emotions and feelings. It can distract us, redirect us, and send us off to the wrong places. Every time a new guy comes into our lives, no matter how incredible or how horrible he may end up being, and it ends up not working out, it’s like the end of the world. You become so excited that you finally find someone with endless potential but it gets destroyed, sometimes over time and sometimes even in an instant and you’re forced to do nothing but move on which is most times the last thing we want to do. As women, we can’t help but to wonder “could he be the one?” with nearly every guy you talk to. Sometimes it leads somewhere and sometimes it leads absolutely nowhere. Every girl knows what I’m talking about. In the moment, it seems like you’ll never get past the constant burden of craving a significant other, so why does God allow this to happen to us?
Something I feel that every woman needs to realize is that God gave us women this desire to be pursued for that sole purpose, to be pursued. And yes, it is a woman’s job to be pursued. He gave us this desire to submit endlessly to our future husbands but that’s exactly who we need to submit to, our future husband. Don’t give your boyfriend the privileges that are meant for your husband. I’m not saying don’t submit to him, but there is a certain extent that you are not supposed to reach until there’s a ring on your finger and once the time comes, you will know that extent. If you’re constantly on the lookout and are antsy for a man, I promise you most likely won’t find one until you are able to move past that craving and not have that thought cross your mind every moment of every day because a Godly man is attracted to a woman who is content with Christ alone. A Godly man does not want to pursue a woman he knows will get emotionally attached to him. Can you blame him? That’s such a heavy burden to put on someone. He wants to pursue a woman chasing so hard after the Kingdom that he has to keep up.
I don’t want to sound like your cliche “it’s worth the wait” girl but listen, it’s so true. When you allow Him to give you rest and contentment in being single, you can reach endless people for His kingdom without anything hindering you or drawing your focus off of your ministry and on a potential future spouse. Once He sees that you can’t reach His kingdom any farther without a husband, that’s when He will provide one for you. Marriage is meant for the two of you to do nothing but draw closer to Christ. It’s not to fill any void and it’s not to fulfill any desperation or loneliness. That’s His job, not your future husbands. Learning to decipher what’s His job and what’s your future husbands job is such an important element to have before the day comes.
I once allowed myself to put a relationship with a man before my relationship with God, and let me tell you, it was the worst mistake of my life and has caused me more destruction than I even thought was possible. I got so caught up in the fact that I finally found this “godly” man that I can spend the rest of my life with, when it turns out all I fell for was his potential that he never lived up to. I was so ecstatic over the fact that I no longer had to wait, because we all know, waiting sucks. I allowed myself to become blinded to every Godly element around me and focused on nothing and no one but him. It was all about him. Big mistake. God pulled me out of that real quick, real hard. I fought it and fought it and thought “well, maybe it just wasn’t the right time” and tried again a couple months later. Same thing happened second time around. Looking back, I now realize why He allowed that year’s worth of heartbreak to cripple me daily; to rely on no one but Him. I found two of the best things a woman could have through the breakup, freedom and contentment. Emotional attachment is a dark place. It’s a scary place. It’s a trap the enemy places into our lives to draw us away from Christ. Forget about emotional attachment, you are powerful enough to overcome it. Become so intrigued with the unfailing love of Christ that the last thing you desire is love from a man who could never satisfy you the way He can.
Single ladies, take this time to ready yourself. Learn basic things that can help you in your marriage, how to communicate feelings properly, how to cook, how to be slow to anger, how to be patient, how to submit to a Godly marriage. Pray for your future husband. Pray that he continues to fight daily for his salvation, purity and relationship with Christ and pursues Him, His church, and His kingdom endlessly. He is out there. I promise. Don’t mistake every guy that wants to take you out on a date or shows the slightest interest in you as him, let Christ reveal that to you; and He will. If you pray about it, He will reveal to you whether this is the right timing and the right guy, and you’ll know it alright. Take this time for yourself, sister. If your heart hurts from a previous breakup or from simply desiring a man and being discouraged because you haven’t received him yet, know that it will be so worth all of the previous heartache because with every heartache comes a lesson and that lesson does nothing but help you grow. If you’re not single and currently have a boyfriend, don’t forget what I said earlier, don’t let your boyfriend have husband privileges. Make sure you are never unequally yolked. Keep seeking wisdom from the Lord and the leadership around you that this is leading into a Godly marriage.
Pursue the Lord and His calling He has specifically for your life endlessly as He teaches you how to be pursued someday. Trust His perfect timing and I beg you, please, please, do not settle simply because you see potential in someone. Dating is a process, the more you rush it, the more likely it will end up in shambles. Trust the wait and continue to seek the Lord for rest amidst your restless desires. It will be worth it.
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Loves bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” // 1 Corinthians 13:4-7